Often, without realising it, we expect far too much from our dog. To be calm but also playful, friendly with everyone, not to bark, not to pull, not to make a mess, to stay calm when we leave and leave them alone at home, to understand immediately what we want. We ask them, essentially, to be almost perfect. But no one is perfect, not even us.
A dog should be a dog
Our dog barks, sniffs, chews, digs, gets excited, is wary of strangers. These aren't flaws. They are their nature, the way they experience the world as a dog.
When we expect them to do none of these, we are really asking them to stop being themselves. Many of the "problems" we see are nothing more than the gap between what the dog is and what we would like them to be.
Where expectations come from
Our expectations often don't even come from our own dog. They come from images: the dog in the film who does everything with a single nod, the neighbour's dog who seems "perfect", the idea we had in our head before we met them.
But the dog in front of us is a unique being, with their own history, their own character and their own pace. They aren't the image we imagined, and they don't need to be.
When expectations come down
Something beautiful happens when we let go of excessive expectations. The pressure lifts, from us and from the dog. We stop being disappointed by what they don't do, and start appreciating who they are.
Surprisingly, that is when things improve. A dog who doesn't constantly feel they are letting us down, who is accepted as they are, feels safer. A dog who feels safe learns and cooperates more easily.
This doesn't mean we give up, or that we can't do training to improve things. It means we start from realistic, fair expectations that respect who our dog really is. In the end, the most beautiful relationship is built when we love the dog in front of us, not the dog we imagined.